5 Terrible Excuses For Homophobia (That People Keep Using)

5 Terrible Excuses For Homophobia (That People Keep Using)
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When you make a stupid comment, you should apologize for it. That's just common logic for most people. For some, though, apologizing isn't an option on the dialogue wheel of life, and all they're left with is making things worse through shitty, transparent excuses. Thus, when some public figure gets caught saying something homophobic, you can expect one of these will soon follow.

World-famous homophobe and guy who definitely doesn't seem to arrange the murders of his political enemies Vladimir Putin has had to account for Russia's internationally renowned institutional homophobia more than once. But personally, I trust his reassurance that it's super cool over there because of the way he name drops Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. See, the famous 19th-century Russian composer was homosexual, and according to Putin, that means Russia can't be homophobic. They had a gay once! And they love him there! You can't argue with science, people. If you do, you may get poisoned.

British politician David Davies is on the same boat with Putin. After stating that he feels most parents would not want to have gay children, and that allowing gay marriage could lead to *gulp* forcing churches to marry gay people, he was quick to explain that he's not anti-gay in any way. Evidence? He once had a boxing match with a gay guy, who goes by the name the Pink Pounder. So yeah, his flawless logic was literally "I can't be gay because I once got to punch a gay dude repeatedly."

Nowhere will you find a more splendidly awful example of someone trying to smooth over their hate than in Edison, New Jersey. When Timothy Hart was fired from his job as principal, he sued the school board for discrimination, saying they canned him because of his homosexuality. He settled that suit for $300,000 but one member of the board sought to prove she totally wasn't homophobic, and she brought the goddamn receipts.

According to Theresa Ward, there was no way she was homophobic because she once drove a gay acquaintance to the hospital! And before your monocle can even hit the floor over that revelation, let me dazzle your brain balls with this nugget of tolerance: Ward has a rooster! What the hell does a rooster have to do with discrimination? Don't be naive. Obviously the neighbors complained about the rooster crowing, so Ward took it to the vet, who then gave it hormone shots, thus rendering the rooster transgender and solidifying Ward's place in the pantheon of tolerance. Fucking duh.

Don't get me wrong, getting taken out of context is definitely a thing. The social media outrage industry is based almost entirely on taking people out of context. But it's also the go-to defense for people who spoke entire coherent thoughts that aren't improved by any context other than "Here, friends, is an example of a bad thing to say."


5 Terrible Excuses For Homophobia (That People Keep Using)

When you make a stupid comment, you should apologize for it. That’s just common logic for most people. For some, though, apologizing isn’t an option on the dialogue wheel of life, and all they’re left with is making things worse through shitty, transparent excuses . Thus, when some public figure gets caught saying something homophobic, you can expect one of these will soon follow. World-famous homophobe and guy who definitely doesn’t seem to arrange the murders of his political enemies Vladimir Putin has had to account for Russia’s internationally renowned institutional homophobia more than once. But personally, I trust his reassurance that it’s super cool over there because of the way he name drops Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky. See, the […]

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